SoCioPsykhOtiC state of BliSs' Journal
Thursday, August 28, 2003
pain and anger flood back one by one
they must be just around the bend
they always come
at night as i lay sleeping
they come to me in herds
their lies remain the dreams the same
its only fleeting words...
One of the down sides of being a vampire: enhanced sense of everything. She sensed death before she could smell it. And when she did it was a noxious gas that no human could stand without protection. But being a vampire she was well aquainted with death and didn't mind the scent.
She stepped through the broken threshold, retaining her hold on her vision through the smoky clouds that assaulted her. The wood still smoldered even though the fire died out at least an hour ago. Despite the three inch heels and the unsteady footing, she made not a sound as she passed through the rubble, no more than a shadow on the wind. Knowledgeable footsteps carried her to the back staircase and up she ascended following the putrid scent. The stairs were weak and ready to crumble, but somehow they held her weight as she made her way up. Another pass down the hall and into a room on the left and she reached her destination.
She stepped into a pool of black blood, tarnished from the smoke and looked to smoldering corpse lying in the center of the room. He cut her throat first, probably enough for a slow death as the blood seeped out of the wound. She could almost see it. She would have died slowly, but then came the fire. Not only did she have to watch her life's blood pour out before her, but she would be too weak to fight the flames. He probably watched the whole thing untouched by fire through some spell of protection. Watched it..and enjoyed it.
Two more steps carried her to the body where she knelt beside it, staring down at her former mentor and beloved foster mother. She'd lost her own mother when she was just a girl, now three hundred years later it was like she had found her again. She laid a gentle hand on what would have been her forehead. "Forgive me, Anya," she said softly. She began to pull her hand away and stand when another hand gripped hers tightly. Charred eyelids opened and white orbs stared up at her. She cried out and tried to pull away but the grip was so tight. The corpse's other hand reached out for her face, nails drawn to claw out her eyes. She screamed...
Cally woke in a cold sweat, chest heaving though no breath was drawn. "Anya.." she murmurred. She looked down at Val's still sleeping form. She had only screamed in her dream...or else he slept so deeply he hadn't heard and for that she was grateful. She hadn't dreamed so vividly in many weeks. She ran a hand through her dark curls and laid back down tentatively. She knew such dreams could be insight into the past or a sign of the future. The question was...which was this? It could have been nothing..but if it indeed it was nothing, why was she still shaking?
Monday, August 25, 2003
4:11PM - The Last Hurrah
I am getting to reckless. Certain individuals seem to not care for their own lives, thereby provoking me further. I do not with certain death upon individuals who at this time do not deserve it, but the next to disobey should fear for their life. I have a job to do. One way or another, it will all end soon. With my latest order to a supplier, I have aquired what is hopfully enough to end what some fools and egotistical maniacs have already unleashed. For documentations purpose, I have included a listing of my most recent purchase:
I am sorry to deliver this order to you on such short notice, but in light of recent developements I find myself in need of some supplies rather quickly. Please have the following items shipped to the previously disclosed location as soon as possible, and as always, your speed is both appriciated and expected.
1 Mounted Chain Gun model 39-X w/ 180 degree turret autofeed system, nightvision targeting
1 Hand Chain Gun model 627-R w/ autofeed system
1 Level 9 Silenced Sinper Rifle w/ nightvision attachement
1 Shoulder-Mounted Short Rage Rocket Launcher
2 Remote Detonators
2 High-Frequency Modulated Hand Axe
5 C-29 Missiles
5 12 Set Cases of Flashbang Grenades
30 Packages C-4 Plastique w/ pre-installed remote detonation system
50 Rounds Heavy Tranquilizer Bullets
50 Rounds C-4 Tipped Bullets
I apologize for the last minute delivery and submission of this latest order. If you are able to deliver it to the previously stated location whithin the expected time frame, it will be worth your while as I will double the price. Thank you for your cooperation.
I hope it is enough. With the already suicidal idiots I have already found on my assignment, I would not doubt that even more troublsome individuals with death-wishes will arrise. One by one they stand, and one by one I shall knock them back down in there place. When will they learn that no one can just take all they want without anyone noticing? When will they learn that no one goes unchecked? Makes me wonder who is watching me from the shadows...
But enough about my own paranoid delusions... they are nothing but delusions, and will be cast aside as such. I have my own agenda here, as do others. Unfortunatly for them, I will have my way, and if it means the death of them as well as others, so be it. I have no sympathy for those who can not properly defend themselves. If you can not defend yourself, they you should do a favor and stay out of my way. If you think you can defend yourself, heh, well, prepare for eternity...
I am going to enjoy this.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
11:45AM - walking casket
Deep within the wall the dagger shook. The crystal came to life a swirls of blue and black formed. Wakeing was always the worst thing. It could feel its blood begin to boil as the crystal metled slipped between the cracks of the case and past the cracks of the brick. It dripped down to the floor and began to form.
Slender feet and legs, tan round hips and built waist. flat, but perked breats and finely cut arms and shoulders that had some kind of black anciet carveing pattern. Thin neck, but a such a dangerouse face. Her hair jet black hair covered the black wings that were etched into her back.
She smiled yawned and stretched feeling free air agian.
Moaning she started to walk to the front of the store and found it wonderful how most her clothing...and tasteful none the less.
She waved her hand to try and gather some clothing from the far corner in the shadows, but instead she felt a pressure around her and draw her back.
Arching an eyebrow she tried agian and only ended up makeing herself fly into the wall.
"Eh!" she groaned in disgust she stood to look around in front of her. She focused her eyes to see some kind of blue aura around her. Rubbing her fingers together she made a static and went to touch the feild...only to make her finger tingle in pain.
"Eh!" she looked at it in panic. "what the bloody..." she said in a thic unknown accent. She tried agian, but this time she felt it in her wrist. "Ah!" she squeeled in shock.
"No..." She began to hit the sheild around her. "Bloody! Shit!" Every time she hit it, it would hurt her, but she didn't care at this point. "Son of a...." She gave up and looked at it. Who the hell put a protective sheild around her?!
She gave up and headed to the cloths.
Now she would have to walk around like a bloody human!
10:16AM - Claudia's Downfall
of a broken heart desies.
I now listen to the cemetary trees.
She pressed her bakc firmly to the sewer wall. Closeing her eyes she felt a stab of pain in her stomach. She closed her eyes tighter.
"That was a stupid idea, Claud. Nice going..." she mummbled to herself.
"Well you didn't know." a voice called for her in the echo of the sewer.
She turned quickly and looked around with dagger still in hand. Nothing.
There was a friction in the air as she stood there. Her body shakeing for killing her last hope and her mind in panic. She was alert, but distracted at the same time and that voice sounded formilure. A voice she hasn't heard in a long time.
For a second she thought it was the memories in her mind. They come to her sometimes. It was enough to drive her insane.
"Come now, Claudia..." from the shadows the voice came. It echoed, but she couldn't tell if it was in her mind or out of her mind. "You should know your own mother when..." A woman dressed in black stalked out of the shadow and stood in the light. Floating above the water. "You see her." her lips glistened with black. Her hair as black as a Raven. Her bueaty was unmistaken. She was pale like fine milk, but her demenor never changed. Dangerous to the core, but Claudia could relate to her. Claudia felt an overwhelming desire to love her mother as she stood there above the water. The dagger from her hand dropped as she shook violently. "...Damensia?"
"Come on, Claud. Is that a way to speek to your mother?"
She stepped forward several times, comeing close to the water. "Mom?"
Damensia smiled with her pale blue eyes seeking into Cluadia's soul. "The one and only."
Claudia's eyes filled with tears. "But..." She stepped down into the water and found herself waist high in ocean water (clean). "I..."
"shhhhh..."Damensia knelt down onto the water to put her hands on her daughters cheeks. "Your tired, Cluadia?"
Claudia let her tears fill her eyes and spill over. "Mom, I just can't...I need to talk to Death. He can help me."
"Claudia!" she said in a stern voice. "What did I teach you, hun?"
Claudia looked down and sniffled. She felt like a child agian. "No need to partners when you can kill on your own and gain the credit." she said in almost a textbook tone.
"But I am not like that anymore, mom. I...I have changed."
"You fell inlove. And what did I teach you about that?"
"There is no use for it when power is forever."
"No, buts..." Damensia bent down and placed her lips to Claudia's forehead. Her lips were soft to the touch. Claudia felt an overwelming sense of love and closed her eyes. A euphoria came over her as her mother tilted her head up. She was drowning in this high feeling. Opening her eyes she saw a pare of golden eyes stare down at her. She smiled as she looked up at Domenic.
He grinned and put both hands on the back of her head and kissed her deeply. The deep kiss wasn't one of passion or of love, but of lust. A deep urging want for her. No....not her.
Her eyes shot open as she felt the sting in head. The pain was so horrible she couldn't think. She couldn't move. She couldn't breathe with Domenic...
She tried to focus, but all she could see was red. Red....
when she was let go she felt herself cry. No...tears don't taste like lead...and the liquid is too thick.
She let out a deep breathe and something escaped her.
She saw white and felt...releaved.
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
4:14PM - Seven's downfall
She was going to be different today. The morning didn't fit so well for her. She figured that much. Her hair was bound back in a french twist. She crosses her thin legs under the blue jean skirt and fixed her blue jean top. Glasses were placed nicely on the tip of her nose as she sat behind the help desk counter.
She looked like a librarian.
But not a normal haged librarian, no...she was younge in age. She seemed very conservative and polite. And Beauty alone the begining of what she showed physcially.
"I'd like to check out these..." a voice told her.
She flipped through the pages of an old book as she mummbled....'the hip bones connected to the head bone...head bone...the head bone is connected to the...'
she stopped herself to flip the page as she day dreamed of misforming bodies. "I am on my break, you will have to come back later..."
She continued to hum the song.
"Don't think that is possible, Ms..." Seven looked up to see a formilure face..."Syne....is it?"
She wasn't fooled by his mask. He polished it every morning and she could smell the make-up and mixed flesh from where she sat. She was amused that he skinned the man and used his face as a mask. That delighted her. She smiled. "Well...Mayor Celcius...glade you can drop by. Are these books for buisness?" she looked down at the books to see Dante's Inferno and How to make a dead body into art for Dummies. "or pleasure?" her smile became a grin.
His artifictal blue eyes looked at her with a grin.
No one could tell that he actually wasn't a handsome man.
His blonde hair and devine smile would have fooled anybody.Heck, it almost fooled her as well. "No no, Ms. Syne. I am strickly here for buisness..."
Her grin escaped her smouth as disapointed smirk formed. There he went agian...getting her all hott and heavy...and for what?
She picked up the book and went to go check them through when a envelope dropped into her lap. Smileing she looked up at him in a sarcastic smile. "Awww...Cyrstal, I am touched. Passing notes in study hall...shame on you."
"Read it...get it done...pass it through."
"Sounds like indigestion..." She opened the envelope and read it.
"You don't have to be a smart ass. It's not in your nature."
A part of her wanted to say something. A dragon side of her urged her to say it. 'No...my nature is to fuck you over.' she thought with a grin as she read the note. "You want me put out Claudia? I thought that was going to be your doing...? Besides, wouldn't that be a bad thing since she is the shadow pheonix, that would cause more problems with the other one."
"I changed my mind."
"I don't do that to women...you know that." she folded the envelope.
"The only reason why I am keeping you on is because you can kill anything."
"You haven't kill anyone yet."
She looked up in anger. Her eyes biteing him. Bite...blood...mmmm. When did she have to feed agian?
"Well you haven't made it easy for me, you know? I can't work under such pressure."
"Don't make me have to kill you..."
Her eyes shot up agian. Something boiled within her. She showed a calmness, but deep inside she felt something. Animalistic. The thought of what happened when she slept with Val passed her mind. Was he doing this to her? Why did she feel so...powerful?
"Careful now, Crystal...I can exspose you...And I don't think you would enjoy thousands of humans on a dragon hunt, destroying you and your kind."
"Just get that done...and soon. Then find the cyrstal..."
she interupted. "If I kill her than the pheonix automatically comes out of the cyrstal...Thanks to her Mommy Dearest, the crystal is under a lock."
"Good...then set it free..."
She shrugs. "Fine." she knew more...but she wasn't going to bother telling him. If his kind was gone then she would make sure that hers would be ontop...or at least her.
So no longer
Only ten minutes had passed since Cally opened the doors to Nocturnal Desires when she heard the familiar jangle of the door. Putting aside the mortar and pestle she was cleaning, she stood and proceeded out into the store.
"Good..mor-" she began cheerfully, but it quickly faded. A bitter grin replaced the smile. "Trent, I was wondering when you'd come see me."
He stood in the doorway, tall and unusually skinny, clad as always in black jeans and a black beater. He had a leather jacket slung over one shoulder, his other hand reaching up to remove his sunglasses, revealing cold, gray eyes. The blonde tips of his black spiky hair caught on the rays of sunlight filtering through the open door. "You weren't as easy to find as I had originally thought," he said with a boyish smirk.
"And how did you find me?" She asked, crossing her arms over her black lace enclosed chest.
"It's a long story."
"I have time," she said quickly. "Come in, please."
Trent took another step forward, allowing the door to swing shut behind him. "Nice place. I see you kept Anya's layout. Clothes, jewelry," his eyes gleamed as he saw the wide array of swords and antique daggers lining the wall to his left, "toys."
Cally visiblity flinched at the name. "Yes...yes, I did."
She leaned back against the counter, icy blue eyes studying him, searching for flaws.
"Ah, my story. Well after you left, the city went to hell. Almost literally. Gavin fucked up. But we all knew he would. He was losing his grip, losing his loyalties. Some thought he'd gone too far hunting down his own chylde for a petty misdemeanor. So he let some us go. Promised if he ever saw us again he'd...Well you know his tastes."
Cally shifted slightly. "Yes, only too well."
"But look at you. You look amazing. Not a single scar.."
"Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean its not there, Trent. You know that."
Trent conceded the point with a nod. "So, Gavin did for me what he could never do for you. He let me go. I left the day after your..apparent demise...only to see you on the first boat off the island. I missed that one but caught the next, found out where you were headed and here I am."
"And the ring?" Cally asked softly, looking down to the steel ring of entwined leaves around her finger, its top crested by a black rose.
"I found it at the ruins of the manor and took it up. Never thought I'd be able to give it to you. Or give it to someone else to give to you. So who is this Val?"
Cally deliberately ignored the question. "Gavin allowed you to search the manor?"
"Yes, specifically we were searching for the book. Obviously you hid it elsewhere."
"Obviously," Cally said icily.
"You don't seem to happy to see me," Trent said, daring a step closer.
"You're really on the ball today."
"If anyone should be distant or angry, it's me. I mean I can understand why you did what you did, but you still could have told me. Once upon a time we cared for each other, Rose, or did you forget?"
Instead of issuing a biting remark as she would have, Cally remained unusually silent.
"I'm sorry, Trent. But you of all people should know what he did."
"And what about Archeon? Did he do the same? Or did he deserve it simply because he was Gavin's mentor?" There was a streak of anger in Trent's words.
"What are you-" Cally stopped halfway as understanding peaked. "He didn't.." Cally suddenly found it very difficult to swallow. "Archeon's dead?"
Trent almost grinned at her confusion. Almost, but he held it in check, instead nodding slowly.
"None of this makes any sense. Why would he kill Archeon?"
"You don't get it do you? Archeon loved you most. Gavin was his chylde, not you. But he loved you and he helped you and he would have killed hs own chylde for you. Oh, don't be so naive, Rose. You knew it, everyone did."
Cally could barely hide the shocked look on her face. The old man had been kind to her, but she never suspected his kindness would betray his loyalty to his chylde. "So Gavin killed Archeon, as he did Anya, so that I would be alone in this?"
Trent nodded again. "Now, I think you're beginning to understand our sire."
"If that's true, then, why are you still alive?" Her voice was suddenly cold.
"Because I wasn't foolish enough to go parading it around," he said bitterly, using his hands for emphasis. Gavin wasn't sure about me. Thats why when he took the manor I wasn't there. He sent me off on some bogus scouting at the docks. I came, but only to see the flames rising. If I had been there..." He let his hands drop to his sides.
Cally waved a hand. "It doesn't matter now," she said softly. "It's all in the past, let it remain there. I've started over. As you can see I have a new life here and I'm quite content to leave it at that. You're welcome to stay, on one condition."
Trent titled his head curiously.
"Leave that name behind. Rose is dead. She died in that fire along with the rest of those she cared about. My name here is Callyssa."
I rose, I roared
I will, I am
Monday, August 18, 2003
catch me as i fall
say you're here and it's all over now
speaking to the atmosphere
no one's here and i fall into myself
this truth drives me into madness
Cally awoke the following morning with a piercing pain, as if all the blood were simultaneously throbbing in her temples. She groaned softly as she attempted to lift her head. When the attempt failed, she allowed her head to fall back to the pillow. She hadn't felt pain like this in years. Must have been the magic, she thought dimly. Although it was odd, usually magic such as that worked last night left her only slightly weaker, and not in paralyzing pain such as this. She sucked in a deep breath and finally pushed herself up. The room swayed before her and she feared she might fall back to the pillow, but in a few moments she adjusted and the room was right again. Hangover from hell, except I wasn't drinking. It was quite an odd reaction indeed.
She crawled out of bed and stood, hesitating a moment to ensure the waves of dizziness did not return. She then proceded into the bathroom to clean up to begin the day. It would be a long day. She had a strong sense that today would be the day the person and/or persons unknown would be coming for the dagger. It had been too quiet as of late. And she figured most people knew she had it here. She had many other preparations to begin before the store opening in just two short hours. The runic wards were only the start of a rather detailed attempt on her part to guard the magic entrusted to her. She turned on the water in the shower and as she waited for it to reach her favored temperature, she began to undress, still lost within her own thoughts..and private fears. She wasn't sure what would happen if she was unable to keep the dagger safe. She still wasn't even sure why it was passed along to her, and if indeed it was from Anya. She still had far too many unanswered questions and the more she thought about them, the more unsettled she was. She stepped into the shower and allowed the warm water to wash away the dirt and grime, worries and fears, cleansing herself for a new day. And a long day it would be.
Somewhere, distant, in the back of her mind, fluttered the thought that something was wrong. Not within the store or even the city. She was already aware of that. No, something else was wrong. Within her. But it was a distant thought and soon, like everything else, was washed away...
if i will it all away...
Thursday, August 14, 2003
As she slipped into a long, black nightgown, Cally still couldn't understand why she had asked him up. She almost sighed with relief when he said no. Almost. Of course she wanted him to. But it was incredibly foolish. It had been the surprising turn of events that day. Yes, that was why she let her guard slip.
Taking up a single candle, Cally stepped out of her room and into the hallway and paused to listen for the rhythmic breathing of the sleeping fairy in the next room. Confident that Heather was fast asleep, Cally tiptoed downstairs. It wasn't that she didn't want Heather to know of her intentions because she didn't trust her. In truth, Heather was the only person Cally wholly trusted. Val...was another story. But she didn't want Heather to know because she didn't want her involved in this. Any of it. And so Cally crept downstairs, barefeet padding softly across the hardwood floors. Upon reaching the back room Cally set the candle down on the table and turned towards the bookshelf. She stood up on tiptoe as she looked to the books along the top shelf grinning evilly when she found the one she wanted. With both hands she pulled down "Specific Spells to Cause Severe Bodily Harm" and plopped the disturbingly large volume on the counter.
She pulled up a stool and sat and began to flip through it murmurring softly as she did, "Fire balls, fire walls, projecting fire, projecting people into fire (she made a mental note to remember that one)..damn this thing has an awful lot to do with fire..." she muffled a soft laugh. "Ahah! Protective wards with destructive blasts!" She skimmed through the warning at the top of the page ("Warning: Destructive blast may cause severe bodily harm which is probably your purpose in using this spell. Please ensure destructive blast causes harm to targeted victim and not unsuspecting by-stander. Field may be created so destructive blast does not harm location it is intended to protect. See bottom of page on how to create protective fields.") Unsuspecting by-stander, Cally again laughed softly. Either this is really amusing or I really need sleep. She skimmed through the items needed for the spell and began to make her plan.
She finally stood and stepped over to her gas burning hearth, flipping the switch to release the gas over the charcoals. She then took a match from a canister above and lit the charcoals, waiting for them to reach a steady burn. Inside a cabinet on the left she pulled out a large white candle and placed it in a medium sized caldron hanging above the hearth. She let the caldron heat so as to melt the wax within and went to the bookshelf, pulling down smaller book entitled "An Encylcopedia of Rune Magick", setting it on the counter beside the other one. She found the page she was looking for almost instantly, having worked with protective runes many times before.
She then turned and opened a drawer, pulling out a favored carving knife and a long container approximately an inch wide and an inch deep and a foot long. She set both on the counter beside the books, then retrieved her mortar and pestle. She set down the pestle and took the mortar to her jars with herbs and began to scoop out tiny amounts of several herbs. She brought it back to the table and picked up the pestle and began to grind the herbs, periodically looking over to the cauldron to see if the wax was bubbling yet. When it was, she got up and took the foot long container with a thick cloth and went over to check on the cauldron. She took a huge ladle from the countertop beside the cauldron and began to spoon out the thick, hot wax, into the container. When it was full she set it down on the counter top and checked to see how much of the wax was left inside the cauldron. She then resumed her seat at the table and checked the large volume of destructive spells. All thoughts of that night, of the "it" (shit!) that she loathed, the phoenixes, their quest, even Val, fled from her. She was a witch at work. And she knew what she had to do.
When the wax in the container had cooled, but not completely hardened, she flipped the container over and the narrow block of wax fell onto the table. She then jumped up and took the empty container back to the cauldron. She continued her steps twice more so that she had four blocks of the softened wax. She had to work quickly before the wax fully cooled and was too hard for the powder to stick. She checked the book again to see if the powder alone was dangerous, should she get some of it on her. Its effect was created by impact, and thus she had to be very ginger when handling the volatile substance, but the powder alone on her finger would not burn. She looked to the book of runes and began to carve the protective wards on the surface of the waxy blocks. When she was done, she very carefully sprinkled the explosive powder onto carvings whispering the words of power as she did. She knew that when the wax hardened, the powder would be enfolded in the wax and would not come off. Satisfied with her work, Cally returned her gaze to the larger book and began to read through the section on protective fields. Finally she got up and went over to the opposite counter and opened a cabinet looking through its contents. She found a small red pouch and pulled it out, slipping it into the pocket of her gown.
She then went over to the table and carefully picked up the four blocks and headed into the main room of the store, setting them down on the countertop. She opened a drawer pulling out a silver key and then lowered herself to her knees and opened up a wooden cabinet behind the glass counter. She pulled out a small wooden box and opened it carefully. Her misty blue eyes settled on the phoenix dagger. She quickly closed the container and set the dagger back into its place. She then pulled out the bag of herbs and poured the powdered herbs into her hand. Whispering an incantation, she sprinkled the herbs inside the cabinet and along the cabinet's walls, creating a protective field the blast of the runic ward would not touch. Once finshed she closed the cabinet and locked it, slipping the key into the pocket of her gown with a mental note to hide it in her room later that night.
She stood up and took the still warm candle wax and stuck it to the four rims that surrounded the cabinet. Standing up to look over her work, Cally smiled. The protective wards were hidden under the shadow of the wood where it was stuck and could barely be noticed by someone standing directly in front of them. Cally then slipped around the counter, looking directly down at the cabinet. Nothing was visible. Her hope in this was so that someone looking for the dagger would not be drawn to the cabinet by seeing the wax blocks. In order for Cally to retrieve the dagger for whatever reason, all she had to do was utter the words of power and she could safely opening the cabinet without disturbing the wards. Should someone try to get into the cabinet without uttering the word they would at the very least be thrown back and lose whatever hand had attempted to break into the protected cabinet. Magick was a truly wonderful thing.
It was perfect. It would ensure the dagger was protected. Now all she had to do was cast a protective field around the rest of the store so that, should the ward be broken and the explosion ensue, the rest of her store wouldn't lay in ruins. When she was done she stepped back to survey her work. The blocks were completely invisble to the unsuspecting eye, cleverly concealed beneath the edges of the cabinet which extended enough to create a shadow over the blocks. The point in hiding them was obviously so that no attention was drawn to that particular cabinet, especially by one searching for the dagger.
Finally satisfied, she went back into the work room and turned off the gas, quenching the fires beneath the cauldron. She would allow the remaining wax to dry and would take it out tomorrow. She scooped up her candle and her exhausted feet carried her back upstairs where she set the candle down on her bedside table and blew it out. As soon as her head hit the pillow she was fast asleep..left with disturbing dreams of the one man she didn't wish to think of...Val.
11:27AM - continue...(Val)
When I went to my room I was still in a state of intoxication. I undress and slipped under my covers.
I never felt so at peace then. I couldn't exsplain it. I would have worried about that if I had the chance to, but it was like I am in a state of euphoria. I was...pleased...and I fell asleep.
My dream was vivid. More vivid than reality as I held Kally in my arms.
The things she did....the things I did.
Amazing. I realized then how much...dare I say...I loved her and she doesn't even know that I watch her when she works. Looking at the books through when I pass by her store. My heart swelled.
Her hair felt great, she smelled great, her skin...her eyes...her...well.
My dream was erotic of course.
It comes with the territory.
While she was there with me however...I noticed a small tattoo on her hip. A melting cross with devil wings. It should have tipped me off then, but this was my dream...and dreams weren't real. Arn't real...
When I awoke I was in the mess known as my bed...the smell was formilure. We all know what that smell is.
When I looked up I was pleased to see Kelly just putting on her cloak. Then perhapes it wasn't a dream. Perhapes it was real, though I was still out of it. I realized I felt more drained than I would if I was hung over. And I am never like that after sex. Certainly not after that kind any way.
Looking up I saw a glimps of red. And before I could see her face to say goodbye...I felt drowsy and fell asleep. Then it hit me just as I was dozing off...it wasn't her.
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
I could start on what you the reader can remember. The parting where all of us left Kally's....or the seperation of my nefew and Claudia. Even better I can start where Seven traveled too.
But none of that is really important.
Matter of fact after my short talk with my newcomer "Death" I felt more confident. I don't have to die now.
Actually...looking back at what I realized I wish I could.
Let me start from where it begun. My missjudgment in how well my enemies know me.
The club was raoring to life last night. I could feel the blood rush in the club as the Dj played the right tunes.
It felt like the old days. I almost forgot what it was like to see everyone smileing suddenly. Well...except for Claudia and Neo. Who come to think of it acted like Vyvian and Ash.
And when I looked at Kally I felt at home. Everything around me felt at home. Like I was born to take on Secret PLeasures and presue the life as manager rather that...well....what I actually do.
And I'll admit it.
I got a little drunk and at the end of the night everyone pretty much was. Especially Kally and Cluadia...who seemed to get along tonight due to "war wounds". I didn't question. It was amusing to watch them.
At the end of the night I gave Kally a ride home. She offered for me to come up, but I of course have business to attend. God help me, I wanted to her to follow me. I should have just stayed. Looking back at it...I should have gotten on my knees and begged of I knew what I know now. But I was drunk...I didn't want to be....
When I got home I retired to my room.
A new maid was hired. I really didn't look to much into it because it has been done before. But I had never seen her before. However she knew what I always had every night. My blood pills. It helps me not to feed. It helps me to live.
You wan'da step into my world
It's a sociopsychotic state of bliss
You've been delayed in the real world
How many times have you hit and missed?
You cat-scan shows disfiguration
I wanna laugh myself to death
With a misfired synapse
with a bent configuration
I'll hold the line while you gasp for breath
You wanna talk to me
So talk to me
You wanna talk to me [7 times]
You can't talk to me
You don't understand your sex
You ain't been mindfucked yet
Let's do it [3 times]
Oh my distorted smile
Guess what I'm doing now
Okay...so now that I have christined our lil community with the first post I feel that I should explain the use of these lyrics...
When Katie and I were naming this lil baby...we first made the username Eden...but that name was taken ::kicks livejournal user Eden::...then I suggested brokendowneden...because the eden that our current story was taking place in was kinda the opposite of paradise. Then we had to name the journal itself and Katie started singing this delightful little song...cause it fit so well...so I figured I'd post the lyrics as a general explanation of the methods of our maddness